High Waisted and Big Busted

High waisted/big boobs: it’s the body that I’ve had since reaching puberty. At times I love it and at times I hate it, but mostly I’m ok with it and rarely give it too much thought except when I’m trying on new clothes. Having a super high waist along with size 34 H bra makes things just a tad difficult. 

I started this post because I’ve been worrying about a few friends who beat themselves up ever so badly over a few extra pounds or cellulite that they really can’t do anything about and they’re nearing their 40s. When does it end? When do you become ok with things? And how did I escape obsessing over a few imperfections? I don’t know what the magic formula was, but I need to find out so I can make sure that I pass it along to my daughter.

Time Flies

I sit tight, don’t wanna miss the show
I hang on, don’t wanna miss my prime
Time will fly, upon my baby’s back
Time will fly, upon my baby’s back

Stay awhile, my baby wants me to
Don’t you go, my baby begs me so
But tide will dry, upon my baby’s back
Tide will dry, upon my baby’s back

And I get weak, I get weary
I miss sleep, I get moody
I’m in thoughts, I write songs
I’m in love, I walk on

So, fingers crossed, my time is coming now
Don’t you go, my baby begs me so
Time will fly, upon my baby’s back
Time will fly, upon my baby’s back

And I get weak, I get weary
I miss sleep, I get moody
I’m in thoughts, I write songs
I’m in love, I walk on

(from the song Time Flies by Lykke Li)

*Clearly this song is about her baby (aka not her child), but it still resonates so much for me as a mother. You cannot fathom how time flies until you watch your child morph into a tiny and then a progressively bigger human. It’s an interesting confluence of emotions for a mother. I’m not sure if it’s the same for fathers, but as a woman I am continually conscious of the fact that I am “missing my prime.” Will I be taken seriously in my professional career when my wrinkles appear deeper and I leave early when my baby is sick?

Today I’m thinking about the balancing act of my baby begging me not to go (to work, to get my haircut, anywhere without her) and life away from her.

Many battles will be won and many lost

Nerves are still shot from epic “getting dressed” meltdown of 2013. I let her wear whatever (weather appropriate) clothing she wants but still the tears and the gnashing of teeth and the stubborn refusal. I think in the end, though, she was actually afraid of me. And, you know what, I’m ok with that. I didn’t even feel guilty when I had to pry her hands off of my body and she sobbed for me this morning during drop-off. (Yes, you’re probably thinking there’s some kind of connection there - I would think that too if the getting dressed thing didn’t happen every single morning). Parenting: it’s weird.

Stanford Graduate School of Business: Sumi Kim (MBA '10) Shares 5 Key Lessons from Stanford GSB's "Touchy Feely" Class

stanfordbusiness:

Touchy Feely was probably the most important class I took at the GSB and had the greatest lasting impact. It’s hard to describe what the experience is like; the way it works is that you are placed in a “T-Group” of 12 people. Every week, this group meets for 3-5 hours straight and simply talks. It…

I WAS on your side

I absolutely HATE it when a woman is talking to me (and assuming I’m complicit) and says something along the lines of “you know I just like being around men so much more than women, that’s why I enjoy (fill in the blank).”

It automatically sends a red flag and alerts me that this woman is not on my side. I’ve come across this many, many times while doing business. It is beyond inappropriate and unprofessional. My fellow females please get it together.

Misogynist — A man who hates women as much as women hate one another. (H. L. Mencken)

The art of being alone

As I watch my daughter on her preschool webcam eating lunch at a table off by herself my heart breaks. But should it? She’s an only child. I grew up as an only child (my mother later married and had additional children but not until I was 15). I spent a lot of time alone. My mom was a single parent and I was a latchkey kid from third grade on. I got my own snacks, made my own lunches, and waited impatiently for my mom to return home from a late day or being stuck in traffic (before the days of cell phones). I was a very anxious kid – constantly worried that my mom wouldn’t come home one day because she had died in a horrendous accident on the way home. I had night terrors for years. I worried about EVERYTHING.

I see the same traits in my daughter. The same tendencies to stay on the fringes of things until 100% comfortable. The same anxiousness. I worry for her (because that’s what I do).

But then I take a step back and I think maybe it’s not so bad. My time alone made me very independent. And now that I’m quickly approaching 40 I crave my alone time (it’s so rare these days). I spent most of my twenties living alone and loving it. I know that I’ll be ok if I ever have to be in that place again.

I want my daughter to relish new adventures and to make friends easily. But I also know the value in not being overly-trusting and to observe a situation before jumping in fully. I know how wonderful it feels to take a road-trip by yourself or fly to Europe with no plans or reservations. I hope she gets to experience these things with confidence and pleasure as well.

The thing I miss most

Now that my daughter is no longer a baby but more of a tiny two year old dictator, the thing I miss the most is her baby kisses. I loved it when I would go in for a kiss and she would try to suck on my lips. I’m not sure why I remembered this and suddenly longed for it - maybe because I’ve been sitting in a meeting all day long and can no longer concentrate.

The Glass Ceiling exists BIG TIME

I tend to think that everyone has special gifts, talents, whatever you want to call it. Some people have many, some just a few, and some may just have one. To me it’s part of what makes humans so special and it is an integral part in making society work. I was blessed with just a few talents - better than average organizational skills, the ability to read people (poker, hiring, jury selection - it comes in handy), and self-awareness. I mean I know when I’m being a jerk - I value coaching/ criticism/ mentorship/ peer-review and the like. I am getting to the point…I think.

I work in a large company and I’m at a level where there’s not much further to go. I’ve worked hard to get there and I love the place that I work and what i do most of the time (lucky, I know). I’m at a point though where I’ve become so resentful and disappointed with the glass ceiling that it looks as though I’ll have to give up the things I love about where I work and move on. I know I’ll probably face the same challenges elsewhere but  what keeps me going is my drive to make small changes in the world so that it might just be a tiny bit better when my daughter enters the work-force (18 or so years from now).

You see my husband and I met at work. We were on the same team in-fact. I have insider knowledge that most do not. At the time he hired in he was making less than me (and I had already been there 5 years). We were in the same position, but he quickly got many raises to put him nearly at my salary. He never had to ask for them. Never had to even hint. He’s a superstar, but so are many of the women at our company (including myself I might add). He got a coveted promotion and a large raise before me, but he was told to “keep it a secret.” This was before we were even dating. Then we became a couple, got engaged and I applied for and got another position in the company. A better position with a lot more money and a lot more responsibility. From day one I was slammed with work and opportunity. My husband applied for the same position (under a different manager) and got it about 6 months after me. He hired in at a higher level and at a much, much higher salary. I kid you not he sat at a desk and did almost nothing for the first 12 months - he’ll freely admit that. He had nothing to do. Meanwhile I was working 10+ hours a day including evenings and weekends just to stay afloat. I was given a lot more responsibility but I was making 15% less than him. It was shocking but I still wasn’t resentful.

Yes, you’re right the resentment did come creeping in though. See I worked my butt off and was finally promoted to his level (but I had to ask for it). Finally we were making the same amount. But then those annual raises started coming in and the “discretionary” bonuses. And somehow even though we were in the EXACT SAME POSITION, reporting up the same chain (except for our direct managers), at the same company, getting the same outstanding reviews at the end of the year he was getting a larger percentage every year. Folks, that adds up. He wasn’t just getting salary perks either. Opportunities were there for him and my male colleagues that neither I nor my female colleagues were getting. I didn’t think the statistics were real until I lived them myself.

My husband and I are a team in every sense of the word - so when he wins I win. I’m grateful for that. But the sense of injustice I feel for my female counterparts and myself - it’s just creeping into everything I do now.

Any advice on how I can help effect change? I’m at a point where I no longer think it’s possible.

Coincidence?

Somehow everything goes wrong at work, home, etc. during the week directly before my period. I’m surprised each month that it happens.

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